Let me just start by saying that yesterday was one of those days where I should have just stayed in bed. I felt like garbage right from the start, I have drastically cut back on my coffee intake, (those of you that know me, know that I should have been committed for that alone), and the stress of my illness and the limitations it causes, all came to a head-yesterday.
(Stick with me, it will seem like I am just venting, and in some aspects I am, but I also learned a very valuable lesson that could potentially change humanity as we know it!!!)
Let me skip all the details, and just say that I ended up arguing with just about everyone yesterday. All of that led me to a very startling conclusion: I expect way too much from the people in my life-people I love dearly, and people I care about very deeply. For those of you that know me, this comes as no surprise, but I love hard. I feel hard. And when I'm hurt, I'm wounded hard. I'm pretty much an open book. What you see is what you get. ( I definitely got that from my father.) Some of that is reasonable, and I would never change that part about me. I am very passionate, and that usually serves me well. Where it doesn't serve me well, is that I say what I feel, and I don't sugar coat it. I'm not one for fluff. If I complement you, I mean it. If I am upset with you, you know it. Not everyone operates that way. So there is lesson number one. I can't have the expectation that everyone will respond well to my form of transparency.
So in the course of the chaos yesterday, I realized another thing. I put expectations on people that either I have never even shared with them, or for whatever reason, they can't or don't want to live up to them. How many of you do the same thing? Its like someone heading to Vegas and blowing a ton of money, then being upset cause they didn't break even. What did they expect???? Well, in some ways, I have done the same. I expect those in my life to be encouraging, supportive, and even if they don't see my vision, to just get behind it. I expect that if I see how something can be improved, everyone else should too. I expect that just because I value something, everyone around me should as well. (keep in mind I'm talking about people who are closely involved in my life.) Now, some of these expectations are reasonable, and logical, but not always fair. For instance, I have a tendency to be goal focused, and I just keep working towards that goal like a freight train. I never take a look at what others are going through, and whether or not they are even capable of meeting my expectations. There in lies the problem. I expect too much, or don't communicate my expectations well, and I get hurt, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed when they aren't met. So whose problem is it that my great expectations aren't met??? Mine. (here's the part that could change humanity.)
What if, just a thought here, we learn to not expect so much. What if we take our great expectations, and bring them down to attainable expectations? That's the journey I am on. Learning to expect less. People are humans, humans are fallible, myself included. I think I will be saving myself alot of headache, turmoil, and strife in my life. (Let it sink in- it really is revolutionary!)
On a side note, I don't think we should lower our expectations of God. (That's a whole other topic for another day!)
Oh, and in times of high stress, I wouldn't recommend cutting back on coffee. I would imagine I looked and acted like some sort of gremlin, and not the cute ones!!!