Welcome to my blog!

I started this blog to share the ups and downs of real life. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the mundane, the insane...you get the picture. Why??? For no other purpose than to encourage others who are raising a family, going through the ups and downs of life, letting you know you are not alone, and that we are not all epic failures for having a life that is not perfect!!!

Friday, June 1, 2012

I'm Back- and LIfe Goes On.....

     Wow, I actually lost track of how long it has been since my last blog!  Not that things have been uneventful, just lost track I guess.  So, here is a quick snapshot of my life over the last year or so:  The kids are great.  JB is a freshman in high school, and has become quite the musician.  He is in the marching band, and last year they came in third in the nation.  He and I have been jamming together, and its been great.  He has helped out with worship a few times at church, and that has given me some of the proudest moments.  He is making great choices, and really seeking out his purpose in ths life.  Nathan is in 6th grade, last year in the elementary school.  I can't believe it.  He has an old soul.  Quiet, gentle, kind.  He loves wrestling and he plays the viola.  He even got a medal for being selected to play in the all district orchestra.  Aiden is the life of the party! He is charming, funny, (very much like my father was) and sometimes- I wanna strangle him! (I'm joking!!!)  He has also taken up percussion, and is quite a natural.  He is excelling at school, and is still is the elementary school.  Emma is just a joy.  She seems to be the heart of our family.  JB has an amazing realationship with her, he's a natural.  He will be an amazing father someday.  Nathan spends alot of time with her, playing, laughing, and he's usually the first one she goes to for help.  She sings, dances, makes us laugh- she's so smart and beautiful.  Emily and I were just saying how much she is a part of all of us, and how our lives would all be so different without her.  My kids are amazing, and while God blessed us with them, Emily and I have worked very hard at given them a good foundation, and though many people have criticized us, and voiced opposition to how we raise our kids, they are living proof that we did something right!!! 
     What else...I'm still working at the dialysis clinic, and it is what it is.  I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation in October of 2011, and much of my life has been doctor appointments, tests, and managing symptoms.  Surgery is inevitable, the doctors just need to stop draggin their feet.  More to come on that maybe my next post. 
     Family wise, things are wierd.  We all seemed to have grown apart after my dad died, which I truly didn't expect.  We all have our own lives, and busy schedules, and at first it hurt me.  So much so that I blew the holidays out of anger and hurt.  They are ok with how things are, so I just have to deal I guess.  Its funny, I do everything right, play by all the rules, and am a pretty stand up guy, yet with my own family, I'm the black sheep.  I'm settling into it now.  I just don't have the time or the energy to chase after people, and facilitate relationships that are one sided, especially now that I am sick.  I love them all dearly, and wish them all the best.  We still get together for birthdays, and some holidays, so I will have to be ok with that. 
     Emily and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this year, and I am planning a trip for us, as a surprise, and she knows none of it.  The suspense is killing her, but it will be amazing.  She truly deserves it.  She has put her life, her dreams, all on hold to be a mom and wife.  She is amazing.  She's a throwback to mothers from a time when life was simpler, and family was everything, not career.  She single handedly keeps this house and family running.  We've been through some awful times, but have always come out the other side.  Our faith has gotten us through. 

     So, while this was largely and update of the last year or so, there is a point to all this rambling.  Life goes on.  Kids grow and change, relationships come and go.  Life deals you ups and downs, yet through it all, life goes on.  And somewhere in the ups and downs, crazy schedules, changes, hurts, happy times, there is this place.  Its really kind of an inexplicable place- where just for a moment, you can feel this quiet peace.  Its a deep peace, in the soul, almost a satisfaction.  Sometimes it is in the form of an amazing kids concert.  Sometimes its in an outburst of laughter with all the kids.  Sometimes its just sitting on a swing in the backyard, watching, listening.  Other times its that moment before you fall alseep, and recap the day, or let your mind wander to a time when everything was perfect.  It is usually in the before sleep time, I think about my father.  Wishing that all the time we wasted at odds could somehow be reclaimed.  Telling him about how amazing his grankids are.  I still feel like in someways, I still get to spend time with him.  Then I fall asleep, wake up the next day, and wait for those short lived, little moments of peace.  In the midst of all this, life goes on...

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