Well, here I am. 5 weeks post op from my brain surgery. Incision has healed nicely, although my perfectly shaped bald head is a bit misshapen in the back now. (Easily hidden with hats).
My emotions aren't so out of control anymore, and I actually had a pretty good week this past week. Tried to pick up some of my normal schedule-coffee with friends, my walks are up to about 4 blocks, church meeting, bible study. Handled it pretty well, until it hit me on Saturday. (Well, Friday really). I'm still very easily fatigued, and still a little unsteady on my feet, but getting better. Cognitively, that's another story. It still takes me a while to get out my thoughts. Still slurring my words, especially when I'm tired. Still feeling a little pent up anger, but getting better at dealing with this.
I did come to a realization though: I got this. It doesn't seem so overwhelming to try to get back to normal. Well, a new normal anyway. Somewhere, somehow, last week, bits of me were coming through. I found my smile again, found my laugh again. Three weeks ago, that seemed impossible. I find that I enjoy being around people again. Three months ago, I hated the prospect of being around people. I got this.
I have found that I have some amazing people in my life, and I don't know why I have never noticed that before. I have also figured out that there are people in my life who are totally draining me. That part has to change. I'm not chasing anymore. I got this.
I think the biggest thing I have realized, is that I will get better. I will go back to work, and a year from now, this will all be long gone. I don't know what my normal will be, but I know I am changed. and for the first time in all this, I realized I got this. I am actually looking forward to what's ahead. So many people with illness, diseases, don't have that security, that optimism. And the old standby rings true-there is ALWAYS someone worse off. Also, I feel I should mention, I haven't had this alone. I got this-but not alone. God has been with me every step of the way. We got this.