It never ceases to amaze me. The amount of paperwork needed for what to me are simple tasks. I mean think about it. Whether its all the paperwork required for a new job, medical issues, insurance, DMV, right down to monthly bank statements or cell phone bills!!! Does it really require 8 pages to tell me that my son texts a lot, and I have to pay you $170? I think not.
Aside from the sheer amount of paperwork needed, there are the "important" documents we are supposed to save. Tax forms from previous years, pay stubs, bank statements, blah blah blah. Oh, I almost forgot! We also have to save every picture, poem, story, art project and report card from kindergarten on. (And don't even try to secretly store them in the circular Rubbermaid file-I assure you, your children will find out, and be devastated because the crayola masterpiece you threw away was a milestone in their young lives.)
Now don't get me wrong, many of these typed up, colored on, signed, dated, and notarized dead tree parts should be saved, or at least the information on them. In my own experience, in my own home, I feel like we are being over-run by papers. Papers that are never where they should be when you need them. Drawers, files, refrigerator, my desk. And don't forget paper towels and toilet paper. It's everywhere, and no matter how organized we are, with the constant supply of endless medical and insurance documents, all the papers that come with 4 children, and the junk mail we still get in this age of e-everything, I truly feel that one day, we will have to vacate the premises, due to a fire hazard. Incidentally, is a paperwork fire considered a forest fire? Papers are, after all, remnants and remains of many a happy little tree Bob Ross imagined and painted in some meadow.
OK, so I am being dramatic and sarcastic. But here's my point. In an age where we learn about our friends and family's comings and goings on facebook, and communication is largely in the form of texts and tweets, isn't there a better way??? Now I could go into a long, drawn out dissertation about how our mass consumption of paper products is leading to the melting of the polar ice caps, but I won't. And I could launch into a rant about how we are destroying our beautiful, natural landscapes, (which, by the way I agree with. Nature is a horrible thing to destroy,) I won't go there either. No, instead, I will cry out to the powers that be, to save humanity from the see of paperwork threatening to overcome us. Many people think an asteroid strike or even a zombie apocalypse will be our downfall. Me? I think we will be overrun with paper. For the love of all things good people, save some trees!!!
No if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go read the newspaper.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Great Expectations (or Something Like That)
Let me just start by saying that yesterday was one of those days where I should have just stayed in bed. I felt like garbage right from the start, I have drastically cut back on my coffee intake, (those of you that know me, know that I should have been committed for that alone), and the stress of my illness and the limitations it causes, all came to a head-yesterday.
(Stick with me, it will seem like I am just venting, and in some aspects I am, but I also learned a very valuable lesson that could potentially change humanity as we know it!!!)
Let me skip all the details, and just say that I ended up arguing with just about everyone yesterday. All of that led me to a very startling conclusion: I expect way too much from the people in my life-people I love dearly, and people I care about very deeply. For those of you that know me, this comes as no surprise, but I love hard. I feel hard. And when I'm hurt, I'm wounded hard. I'm pretty much an open book. What you see is what you get. ( I definitely got that from my father.) Some of that is reasonable, and I would never change that part about me. I am very passionate, and that usually serves me well. Where it doesn't serve me well, is that I say what I feel, and I don't sugar coat it. I'm not one for fluff. If I complement you, I mean it. If I am upset with you, you know it. Not everyone operates that way. So there is lesson number one. I can't have the expectation that everyone will respond well to my form of transparency.
So in the course of the chaos yesterday, I realized another thing. I put expectations on people that either I have never even shared with them, or for whatever reason, they can't or don't want to live up to them. How many of you do the same thing? Its like someone heading to Vegas and blowing a ton of money, then being upset cause they didn't break even. What did they expect???? Well, in some ways, I have done the same. I expect those in my life to be encouraging, supportive, and even if they don't see my vision, to just get behind it. I expect that if I see how something can be improved, everyone else should too. I expect that just because I value something, everyone around me should as well. (keep in mind I'm talking about people who are closely involved in my life.) Now, some of these expectations are reasonable, and logical, but not always fair. For instance, I have a tendency to be goal focused, and I just keep working towards that goal like a freight train. I never take a look at what others are going through, and whether or not they are even capable of meeting my expectations. There in lies the problem. I expect too much, or don't communicate my expectations well, and I get hurt, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed when they aren't met. So whose problem is it that my great expectations aren't met??? Mine. (here's the part that could change humanity.)
What if, just a thought here, we learn to not expect so much. What if we take our great expectations, and bring them down to attainable expectations? That's the journey I am on. Learning to expect less. People are humans, humans are fallible, myself included. I think I will be saving myself alot of headache, turmoil, and strife in my life. (Let it sink in- it really is revolutionary!)
On a side note, I don't think we should lower our expectations of God. (That's a whole other topic for another day!)
Oh, and in times of high stress, I wouldn't recommend cutting back on coffee. I would imagine I looked and acted like some sort of gremlin, and not the cute ones!!!
Friday, June 1, 2012
My Brain is Falling, My Brain is Falling!!!
As some of you may know, I was diagnosed in October of 2011 with Chiari Malformation Type I. I figured I would blog a little about what it is, how it has affected us, and what the ultimate treatment will be.
For starters, Chiari Malformation is most often a birth defect, but can also be due to a trauma or sever case of whiplash. Most often it shows up in the ages of 20-50, and 90% of the time, it is found quite by accident. Chiari sufferers usually go years and years without a proper diagnoses, and that is due to how little is actually known about the disease. Roughly 1 in 10,000 people are estimated to suffer from this disorder, and although it hasn't been officially labeled as hereditary, it does usually run along family lines. My father was diagnosed in his early 40's, had the surgery to fix it, and did very well afterwards.
So what is it? Basically, there is a deformation in the back of the skull, called the foramen magnum, and this causes overcrowding of the cerebellum, cause that part of the brain to be pushed down out of the skull, compressing the spinal chord. Symptoms range from sever headaches, neck pain, sever dizziness, numbness and tingling in the extremities, problems with balance, swallowing problems, ringing in the ears, and even fainting spells. The surgery to correct this problem involves removing a small portion of the skull and the dura, and possibly removing the arch of the first two vertebrae. This makes more room for the brain, and restores normal fluid flow around the brain. This is caused a decompression surgery. The surgery is about 4 hours long, and requires about a 5 day hospital stay, but often times require a 4 to 6 month recovery period. ( My father did extremely well with his surgery, and went back to work 3 months to the day of his surgery.)
Where am I at in all this? Waiting. The neurosurgeons I have seen wanted to rule out any other possible causes for the symptoms I am having, which are severe, crippling headaches, chronic vertigo, constant ringing in my ears, and I have had several blackouts. Most everything else is ruled out, and I have had more MRI's, CT scans, and other tests than I can count. My neurologist is fantastic, and is working very hard to help me manage the symptoms, and now we wait for the neurosurgeons to ok the surgery. (Hopefully soon, my work schedule has been severely effected, and so has our financial situation.) This has taken a toll on my wife and my kids in an awful way. Between managing my symptoms, doctors appointments, and now I can't drive, this has forced them all to pick up the slack in various ways. Emotionally, I am not the same person I was, and both my wife and my kids have commented on that. Sometimes we laugh and make jokes about it, sometimes we cry about it. Most times, we take it for what it is. We have found support in many places, our amazing church family, my grandmother Barb, who is always worrying about me, (stop worrying, we're getting through!!!), my in-laws who have taken the kids whenever we've needed, and even some of my co-workers have donated some time, covered some shifts, and have been overall patient with the limitations this has caused.
Learning things about myself? Absolutely. Learning things about my wife and kids? most definitely. Frustrated and at times, ready to give up? Yes. But we're dealing with it.
Hopefully this brings some understanding to some, and some tolerance and support for others. Since I don't often look sick, it is hard for many people to understand. I have been dealing with this for four years and counting now, and have been told its was everything from depression, migraines, a pinched nerve, stress, grief, even a testosterone deficiency!!!
The best way to explain it is from another blog I read, (http://chiari-life.blogspot.com/), and goes like this:
"The first thing that comes to my mind is "But you don't look sick!?" Yeah, we get that alot. Chiari Malformation is considered an invisible illness because you don't usually see the symptoms on the outside.
Of course I look normal.
You can't see the pressure in my head.
You can't see that it feels like my head could explode at any minute.
You can't see that my hands and feet are numb and tingling.
I may stumble or walk into something, but I just look clumsy to you...You don't see my balance and depth perception problems.
You don't hear the ringing in my ears.
You hear my speech slurr or I trip over my words. You laugh, I laugh. But do you know why it happens? Does that come to mind when you hear it?
You don't see me almost black out from getting dizzy and lightheaded if I drive too fast over a hill.
(I know why I can't ride rollercoasters.)
I could continue to go on and on with the list.
I have tried looking at things from the opposite point of view. The other person can never fully understand what you are going through. They may try to relate by sympathizing with you over something they have gone through. "I've had surgery once. I went in to get my tonsils taken out"
Oh ok...not quite on the same plane as brain surgery. "So you're cured now that you've had surgery right?" No surgery is not a cure, just a form of treatment. "Oh."
People do not understand why surgery if its not a cure. What is the point of surgery?
When I first had major problems I went back to my family doctor a few times for "migraines". Each time I was given a different medicine or something to try. Finally he ordered an MRI after I went in and couldn't turn my head at all. I was lucky enough to be referred to a NS who knew of Chiari and wasn't afraid to work with it. He has followed up ever since. I was diagnosed in 2003.
A lot of people go through several doctors, neurosurgeons, neurologists, and other specialists before they are diagnosed.
After diagnosis its a mixed feeling. You're relieved because you finally have an answer for what you're going through. But on the other hand....what do you do with it?
You barely understand it, how will anyone else? So you begin to tell your family and then your closest friends. Again...they don't really experience what you're going through. They know what you're saying. They don't feel the pain. It's hard to sympathize with the unknown."
For starters, Chiari Malformation is most often a birth defect, but can also be due to a trauma or sever case of whiplash. Most often it shows up in the ages of 20-50, and 90% of the time, it is found quite by accident. Chiari sufferers usually go years and years without a proper diagnoses, and that is due to how little is actually known about the disease. Roughly 1 in 10,000 people are estimated to suffer from this disorder, and although it hasn't been officially labeled as hereditary, it does usually run along family lines. My father was diagnosed in his early 40's, had the surgery to fix it, and did very well afterwards.
So what is it? Basically, there is a deformation in the back of the skull, called the foramen magnum, and this causes overcrowding of the cerebellum, cause that part of the brain to be pushed down out of the skull, compressing the spinal chord. Symptoms range from sever headaches, neck pain, sever dizziness, numbness and tingling in the extremities, problems with balance, swallowing problems, ringing in the ears, and even fainting spells. The surgery to correct this problem involves removing a small portion of the skull and the dura, and possibly removing the arch of the first two vertebrae. This makes more room for the brain, and restores normal fluid flow around the brain. This is caused a decompression surgery. The surgery is about 4 hours long, and requires about a 5 day hospital stay, but often times require a 4 to 6 month recovery period. ( My father did extremely well with his surgery, and went back to work 3 months to the day of his surgery.)
Where am I at in all this? Waiting. The neurosurgeons I have seen wanted to rule out any other possible causes for the symptoms I am having, which are severe, crippling headaches, chronic vertigo, constant ringing in my ears, and I have had several blackouts. Most everything else is ruled out, and I have had more MRI's, CT scans, and other tests than I can count. My neurologist is fantastic, and is working very hard to help me manage the symptoms, and now we wait for the neurosurgeons to ok the surgery. (Hopefully soon, my work schedule has been severely effected, and so has our financial situation.) This has taken a toll on my wife and my kids in an awful way. Between managing my symptoms, doctors appointments, and now I can't drive, this has forced them all to pick up the slack in various ways. Emotionally, I am not the same person I was, and both my wife and my kids have commented on that. Sometimes we laugh and make jokes about it, sometimes we cry about it. Most times, we take it for what it is. We have found support in many places, our amazing church family, my grandmother Barb, who is always worrying about me, (stop worrying, we're getting through!!!), my in-laws who have taken the kids whenever we've needed, and even some of my co-workers have donated some time, covered some shifts, and have been overall patient with the limitations this has caused.
Learning things about myself? Absolutely. Learning things about my wife and kids? most definitely. Frustrated and at times, ready to give up? Yes. But we're dealing with it.
Hopefully this brings some understanding to some, and some tolerance and support for others. Since I don't often look sick, it is hard for many people to understand. I have been dealing with this for four years and counting now, and have been told its was everything from depression, migraines, a pinched nerve, stress, grief, even a testosterone deficiency!!!
The best way to explain it is from another blog I read, (http://chiari-life.blogspot.com/), and goes like this:
"The first thing that comes to my mind is "But you don't look sick!?" Yeah, we get that alot. Chiari Malformation is considered an invisible illness because you don't usually see the symptoms on the outside.
Of course I look normal.
You can't see the pressure in my head.
You can't see that it feels like my head could explode at any minute.
You can't see that my hands and feet are numb and tingling.
I may stumble or walk into something, but I just look clumsy to you...You don't see my balance and depth perception problems.
You don't hear the ringing in my ears.
You hear my speech slurr or I trip over my words. You laugh, I laugh. But do you know why it happens? Does that come to mind when you hear it?
You don't see me almost black out from getting dizzy and lightheaded if I drive too fast over a hill.
(I know why I can't ride rollercoasters.)
I could continue to go on and on with the list.
I have tried looking at things from the opposite point of view. The other person can never fully understand what you are going through. They may try to relate by sympathizing with you over something they have gone through. "I've had surgery once. I went in to get my tonsils taken out"
Oh ok...not quite on the same plane as brain surgery. "So you're cured now that you've had surgery right?" No surgery is not a cure, just a form of treatment. "Oh."
People do not understand why surgery if its not a cure. What is the point of surgery?
When I first had major problems I went back to my family doctor a few times for "migraines". Each time I was given a different medicine or something to try. Finally he ordered an MRI after I went in and couldn't turn my head at all. I was lucky enough to be referred to a NS who knew of Chiari and wasn't afraid to work with it. He has followed up ever since. I was diagnosed in 2003.
A lot of people go through several doctors, neurosurgeons, neurologists, and other specialists before they are diagnosed.
After diagnosis its a mixed feeling. You're relieved because you finally have an answer for what you're going through. But on the other hand....what do you do with it?
You barely understand it, how will anyone else? So you begin to tell your family and then your closest friends. Again...they don't really experience what you're going through. They know what you're saying. They don't feel the pain. It's hard to sympathize with the unknown."
I'm Back- and LIfe Goes On.....
Wow, I actually lost track of how long it has been since my last blog! Not that things have been uneventful, just lost track I guess. So, here is a quick snapshot of my life over the last year or so: The kids are great. JB is a freshman in high school, and has become quite the musician. He is in the marching band, and last year they came in third in the nation. He and I have been jamming together, and its been great. He has helped out with worship a few times at church, and that has given me some of the proudest moments. He is making great choices, and really seeking out his purpose in ths life. Nathan is in 6th grade, last year in the elementary school. I can't believe it. He has an old soul. Quiet, gentle, kind. He loves wrestling and he plays the viola. He even got a medal for being selected to play in the all district orchestra. Aiden is the life of the party! He is charming, funny, (very much like my father was) and sometimes- I wanna strangle him! (I'm joking!!!) He has also taken up percussion, and is quite a natural. He is excelling at school, and is still is the elementary school. Emma is just a joy. She seems to be the heart of our family. JB has an amazing realationship with her, he's a natural. He will be an amazing father someday. Nathan spends alot of time with her, playing, laughing, and he's usually the first one she goes to for help. She sings, dances, makes us laugh- she's so smart and beautiful. Emily and I were just saying how much she is a part of all of us, and how our lives would all be so different without her. My kids are amazing, and while God blessed us with them, Emily and I have worked very hard at given them a good foundation, and though many people have criticized us, and voiced opposition to how we raise our kids, they are living proof that we did something right!!!
What else...I'm still working at the dialysis clinic, and it is what it is. I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation in October of 2011, and much of my life has been doctor appointments, tests, and managing symptoms. Surgery is inevitable, the doctors just need to stop draggin their feet. More to come on that maybe my next post.
Family wise, things are wierd. We all seemed to have grown apart after my dad died, which I truly didn't expect. We all have our own lives, and busy schedules, and at first it hurt me. So much so that I blew the holidays out of anger and hurt. They are ok with how things are, so I just have to deal I guess. Its funny, I do everything right, play by all the rules, and am a pretty stand up guy, yet with my own family, I'm the black sheep. I'm settling into it now. I just don't have the time or the energy to chase after people, and facilitate relationships that are one sided, especially now that I am sick. I love them all dearly, and wish them all the best. We still get together for birthdays, and some holidays, so I will have to be ok with that.
Emily and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this year, and I am planning a trip for us, as a surprise, and she knows none of it. The suspense is killing her, but it will be amazing. She truly deserves it. She has put her life, her dreams, all on hold to be a mom and wife. She is amazing. She's a throwback to mothers from a time when life was simpler, and family was everything, not career. She single handedly keeps this house and family running. We've been through some awful times, but have always come out the other side. Our faith has gotten us through.
So, while this was largely and update of the last year or so, there is a point to all this rambling. Life goes on. Kids grow and change, relationships come and go. Life deals you ups and downs, yet through it all, life goes on. And somewhere in the ups and downs, crazy schedules, changes, hurts, happy times, there is this place. Its really kind of an inexplicable place- where just for a moment, you can feel this quiet peace. Its a deep peace, in the soul, almost a satisfaction. Sometimes it is in the form of an amazing kids concert. Sometimes its in an outburst of laughter with all the kids. Sometimes its just sitting on a swing in the backyard, watching, listening. Other times its that moment before you fall alseep, and recap the day, or let your mind wander to a time when everything was perfect. It is usually in the before sleep time, I think about my father. Wishing that all the time we wasted at odds could somehow be reclaimed. Telling him about how amazing his grankids are. I still feel like in someways, I still get to spend time with him. Then I fall asleep, wake up the next day, and wait for those short lived, little moments of peace. In the midst of all this, life goes on...
What else...I'm still working at the dialysis clinic, and it is what it is. I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation in October of 2011, and much of my life has been doctor appointments, tests, and managing symptoms. Surgery is inevitable, the doctors just need to stop draggin their feet. More to come on that maybe my next post.
Family wise, things are wierd. We all seemed to have grown apart after my dad died, which I truly didn't expect. We all have our own lives, and busy schedules, and at first it hurt me. So much so that I blew the holidays out of anger and hurt. They are ok with how things are, so I just have to deal I guess. Its funny, I do everything right, play by all the rules, and am a pretty stand up guy, yet with my own family, I'm the black sheep. I'm settling into it now. I just don't have the time or the energy to chase after people, and facilitate relationships that are one sided, especially now that I am sick. I love them all dearly, and wish them all the best. We still get together for birthdays, and some holidays, so I will have to be ok with that.
Emily and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this year, and I am planning a trip for us, as a surprise, and she knows none of it. The suspense is killing her, but it will be amazing. She truly deserves it. She has put her life, her dreams, all on hold to be a mom and wife. She is amazing. She's a throwback to mothers from a time when life was simpler, and family was everything, not career. She single handedly keeps this house and family running. We've been through some awful times, but have always come out the other side. Our faith has gotten us through.
So, while this was largely and update of the last year or so, there is a point to all this rambling. Life goes on. Kids grow and change, relationships come and go. Life deals you ups and downs, yet through it all, life goes on. And somewhere in the ups and downs, crazy schedules, changes, hurts, happy times, there is this place. Its really kind of an inexplicable place- where just for a moment, you can feel this quiet peace. Its a deep peace, in the soul, almost a satisfaction. Sometimes it is in the form of an amazing kids concert. Sometimes its in an outburst of laughter with all the kids. Sometimes its just sitting on a swing in the backyard, watching, listening. Other times its that moment before you fall alseep, and recap the day, or let your mind wander to a time when everything was perfect. It is usually in the before sleep time, I think about my father. Wishing that all the time we wasted at odds could somehow be reclaimed. Telling him about how amazing his grankids are. I still feel like in someways, I still get to spend time with him. Then I fall asleep, wake up the next day, and wait for those short lived, little moments of peace. In the midst of all this, life goes on...
Monday, February 28, 2011
Mind Control
This entry is definitely one of the more deep entries I have worked on. For a couple reasons. One, because it hits very close to home for me, and two, because it is something that I am trying so hard to impart to my children, especially my oldest son. What I'm writing about is controlling your mind. Actually, what is it that is controlling your mind???
When I became a christian, I quickly found out that there were things in my life I had to deal with. Behaviors I had to curb, a certain way to act. While I think all of it ultimately helped me, the motivation and means in the beginning were harmful. See, many times, with many christians, they never truly change things, yet preach and tell others what they need to change. This is why many people who are not christians question, mock, and view christianity negatively. People tend to think that christianity is a crutch, a weakness. I would offer the opinion that to me, it has been harder to live out my faith, keep my mind pure, and truly live for God, than it is to not live that way. It takes a certain kind of strong to not give into temptations, conform with the way society acts, and love those who either don't love you, or who are different than you. The thing is, society doesn't just react to christian living that way, society reacts to anything outside of the norm that way. My brother is a very committed straight edge. This means he abstains from alcohol, tobacco and drugs. After speaking with him about it, he communicated the same thing. More people question his decision, than support it. Why? Is it because he chooses to not be controlled by a substance? Is it because his convictions highlight others' weaknesses??? I think it is an issue of mind control.
Our society is big on conformity. Act this way, speak like this, look like this, believe like this. Anything outside of society's norm causes fear. What is, now think about this, what if our media, our advertisers, our government, our public schools are setting and influencing this "norm" as a way to control it's people??? I'm not talking about some great conspiracy. Why do movies and tv shows, especially on networks like MTV, have such an appeal to young people? Why not middle aged people??? Why is tobacco, and alcohol advertised in such a way that it is appealing to younger people? Why is music marketed the way it is, with concerts, flashy videos, bad language? It attracts young people. To me, like I said, it is all an issue of mind control. Young people are still formulating their beliefs, morals, and values. IKt makes them easy targets to corrupt.
I commend my brother for his decision, especially since addiction is very prevalent in our family. I'm glad he has decided to not be controlled by a substance. For me, and for my children, I am taking it a step further. We are working together to learn how to control our mind, control what influences us. If we fill our minds with junk, we will put out junk. If we conform to how society tells us how to think, we will miss out on bigger things at work. Many people think that religion in a form of mind control, and surprisingly, I would agree. Religion, church (in the negative sense of the word), are all forms of mind control. What I would argue is that living as Jesus did, following the guidelines the bible lays out, isn't about mind control. Its about living a life that is based on acting out your faith and beliefs, not just preaching it. It is about following a set of standards for your life that will bring you protection, blessings, and fulfillment.
When I choose to not watch a certain movie because of it's content, its because I don't want to fill my mind with things that will tempt me, make me feel certain things, or desensitize me to some of the horrible things that should shock all of us. When I screen the music my kids listen too, or the content they are finding on the internet, it's because I want their minds to be clean, pure, not tainted by what society dictates is normal, or right. The last thing I'll say is this: The bible says in Romans 12:2 do not be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of your mind. Renewing of your mind-think about that. What does renewing your mind mean to you? It goes on to say that this is how we prove that the will of God is good. God is encouraging you to think! Renew your mind from outside influences, and what others think. Think for yourself! Discover for yourself, not through others, what and who God is. How do I keep my mind form going places it shouldn't?? ( I try to do this, not always successfully.) Philippians 4:8 tells us what to focus on. Whatever is true, right, noble, pure and lovely. Things that are excellent and praiseworthy, think of these things. I think society might be a bit better if we all follow these guidelines. I know for me, and for my family, we are really going to work at controlling out minds.
When I became a christian, I quickly found out that there were things in my life I had to deal with. Behaviors I had to curb, a certain way to act. While I think all of it ultimately helped me, the motivation and means in the beginning were harmful. See, many times, with many christians, they never truly change things, yet preach and tell others what they need to change. This is why many people who are not christians question, mock, and view christianity negatively. People tend to think that christianity is a crutch, a weakness. I would offer the opinion that to me, it has been harder to live out my faith, keep my mind pure, and truly live for God, than it is to not live that way. It takes a certain kind of strong to not give into temptations, conform with the way society acts, and love those who either don't love you, or who are different than you. The thing is, society doesn't just react to christian living that way, society reacts to anything outside of the norm that way. My brother is a very committed straight edge. This means he abstains from alcohol, tobacco and drugs. After speaking with him about it, he communicated the same thing. More people question his decision, than support it. Why? Is it because he chooses to not be controlled by a substance? Is it because his convictions highlight others' weaknesses??? I think it is an issue of mind control.
Our society is big on conformity. Act this way, speak like this, look like this, believe like this. Anything outside of society's norm causes fear. What is, now think about this, what if our media, our advertisers, our government, our public schools are setting and influencing this "norm" as a way to control it's people??? I'm not talking about some great conspiracy. Why do movies and tv shows, especially on networks like MTV, have such an appeal to young people? Why not middle aged people??? Why is tobacco, and alcohol advertised in such a way that it is appealing to younger people? Why is music marketed the way it is, with concerts, flashy videos, bad language? It attracts young people. To me, like I said, it is all an issue of mind control. Young people are still formulating their beliefs, morals, and values. IKt makes them easy targets to corrupt.
I commend my brother for his decision, especially since addiction is very prevalent in our family. I'm glad he has decided to not be controlled by a substance. For me, and for my children, I am taking it a step further. We are working together to learn how to control our mind, control what influences us. If we fill our minds with junk, we will put out junk. If we conform to how society tells us how to think, we will miss out on bigger things at work. Many people think that religion in a form of mind control, and surprisingly, I would agree. Religion, church (in the negative sense of the word), are all forms of mind control. What I would argue is that living as Jesus did, following the guidelines the bible lays out, isn't about mind control. Its about living a life that is based on acting out your faith and beliefs, not just preaching it. It is about following a set of standards for your life that will bring you protection, blessings, and fulfillment.
When I choose to not watch a certain movie because of it's content, its because I don't want to fill my mind with things that will tempt me, make me feel certain things, or desensitize me to some of the horrible things that should shock all of us. When I screen the music my kids listen too, or the content they are finding on the internet, it's because I want their minds to be clean, pure, not tainted by what society dictates is normal, or right. The last thing I'll say is this: The bible says in Romans 12:2 do not be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of your mind. Renewing of your mind-think about that. What does renewing your mind mean to you? It goes on to say that this is how we prove that the will of God is good. God is encouraging you to think! Renew your mind from outside influences, and what others think. Think for yourself! Discover for yourself, not through others, what and who God is. How do I keep my mind form going places it shouldn't?? ( I try to do this, not always successfully.) Philippians 4:8 tells us what to focus on. Whatever is true, right, noble, pure and lovely. Things that are excellent and praiseworthy, think of these things. I think society might be a bit better if we all follow these guidelines. I know for me, and for my family, we are really going to work at controlling out minds.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Who's teaching who????
I haven't written about my children for a while, so I figured I'd mention some things I learned from them lately. It's funny, we are so busy trying to teach them, and impart life lessons to them, that I think we forget that they teach us alot too.
Some changes that have happened at our house have brought about alot of change, and that is where I've seen some cool things happen. My wife went to work part time nights, and that means daddy has to be mr. mom for a while. (this has resulted in the frequent use of paper plates- I hate doing dishes!) Perhaps the first thing I have learned is that my wife definatly has the hardest, most tiring, most underappreciated job ever- being a stay at home mom!!! Anyway, this really kind of forced me to step it up, and help out at home more. It was actually very needed, because we were having some behavior problems with the boys. Nothing major, just stuff like not helping out, or taking responsibility for their things, alot of attitude with each other and with my wife, and typical boy stuff like that. This brings me to lesson number one. I think as fathers, we get so focused on rules, working, correcting, etc... that we forget to just be with our kids. Just spend time with them. After about two weeks, the boys had become so helpful. It got to the point where I didn't even have to ask them to help, they just did. Their attitude and respect towards each other had changed tremendously, and all of this started to carry over to when I wasn't home. They were being better for their mother too. It was an eye opening look into how much my presence, interest, and involvment in their lives, affected every aspect of our home lives. They needed to see me being more helpful around the house. Things have been fantastic!
I think another lesson I learned through all of this is that I don't give my oldest son enough credit. The kid is so talented and smart, it amazes me. I have made it a priority to talk with him, get to know him better, and reconnect with him. You know what I realized? He's got a good head on his shoulders. He's already thinking about college. He is starting to take school and music very seriously now. He has skills that will make him a great father, and alot of that came from the special bond he has with Emma. I was being so hard on him, that it was projecting behaviors and issues onto him that really weren't there. In lightening up, slowing down, and lisening to him, he's felt safe to come to me with some things he is struggling with. I never even realized he is still hurting from the babies we lost, or that he doesn't know how to connect with God, even though he desires too. He's also taught me that the examples I have set on dealing with grief, and loss, have set the tone for how they deal with it. We've had to work through some feelings of loss, sadness, and regret with the loss of my father. I showed them that I had to be strong, move forward, keep the family ok, but I never showed them that its ok to grieve too.
Another thing I learned from my kids is that we can't get stuck in places, feelings, or roles. My son Aiden was getting frustrated and lazy with some of his chores. It became so frustrating that he was getting punished for it. I finally asked him what is going on. He explained to me that just because he was the youngest doesn't mean I can't give him more important things to do. I was holding him back in essance, not letting him do certain things, or enjoy certain rewards for them, because I thought he was too young, or too lazy. I was expecting him to fail at things before I gave him a chance too!!!
And then comes Nathan. His heart is so beautiful. He hugs me everyday still, and even though he can talk your ear off, he needs that time, that attention. He's the one that has kind of forced me to slow down a bit. Funny story, after my father's death, my aunt gave me his chess set. It's a really nice one, and when I got it, I cleaned it, polished it, and then put it away, out of sight. One night Nathan asked me to play chess, and I said we can't, some of the pieces are missing from the boy's set. He said what about the one that was your dad's? I looked at him like he had suggested something outlandish, and said we can't play on that one, it was my fathers!!! He looked at me kind of confused, and said dad, why did you take it if you weren't gonna use it? He was so right! I was stuck in the emotions and grief that came with my father's death. It seems silly, but that chess set became a symbol. Something out of reach, inaccessable, kind of like my father. It was a very profound moment for me, and it really helped me put the grieving process in perspective.
And then there is my Emma. She makes me so happy. I have come to realize that despite my protest, she is growing up. She is speaking so much now, making decisions on her own, expressing herself more, and is even potty trained!!! It kind of grieves my heart because I so love our times together, and our dances, and our songs-and someday, those will all be memories. Perhaps the greatest lesson I have learned lately is that time is moving forward, whether I like it or not. These last few months reconnecting on a deeper level with my kids has been great, and when they are grown, with families of their own, I'll be glad I cherished every minute!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Family First
So in my last post, (i know, it's been a while), I said I'd talk about some of the things my father communicated to all of us on his deathbed. We were very blessed to have the time to say goodbye to my father the way we did, and he communicated some very clear things.
One thing my father said over and over again was family first. That's become our family's kind of motto since he passed. He reminded all of us how important that was, and that no matter what, it was always us-my family. He told me to be strong, and be there for everyone. (Tall order dad, but thanks for challenging me!!!) He begged me to fix my marriage, fix my relationship with my oldest boy. He said over and over again, he loved us, and we meant the world to him. And as if to pass the family first idea to the next generation, he begged us to never forget him, never let the kids forget him, and tell them everyday papa loves them.
His passing and the way it happened was amazing. Just proved that when it comes to my big, crazy family, we get it. Family first. My dad's sister Lisa had been living here for a few months now, helping us care for my dad. She made it her mission to be there for us. Whether it was to watch he kids for my sister and I, or take care of things at my parent's house, she was there. There were times she put aside opportunities to be with my dad, for us. She even stayed overnights with my dad in the hospital so we could rest. I mentioned in my dad's eulogy that she was sent here for such a time as this, and I meant it. She was such an important part of the whole ordeal. She had our back. Then there was my aunt Missy. She was there by my dad's side when we needed a break, or to eat, even grab a cup of coffee. She cried with us, hugged us, talked to us, and was there. Even after he died, she was there with us just for encouragement, memories, and support. My aunt Cathy was amazing too, truly a rock for all of us. She put aside her grief, her hurt, and held us up. She had a special relationship with my dad, so this was difficult for her. She stayed for a week after he died just to make sure my mom and us kids were ok. She helped us pick out flowers. We even had a very silly afternoon with her, my aunt Lisa, and my brother and I, picking out dress clothes, pictures for the funeral, and just laughing and being there with us. Even now, though hundreds of miles separate us, she still has our hearts. Through the miracle of the Internet and facebook, she keeps in regular contact with us, sending us love, thoughts, and bits of encouragement, all at the right time. I wonder of she'll ever know how much all of that meant. My in-laws handled so much planning for us for the reception after. We didn't have to worry for nothing- they took care of it. My mother in law, father in law, and sister in law and I spent a couple hours the morning of his funeral just talking. I so needed that. Even my grandma Barb gave me the chance to cry and grieve, making sure I felt her love and support through the whole thing, right down to helping us with the reception hall. Right down to family that has been separated by life, distance, and years. My dad's cousins all brought food too!!! It was amazing.
It's almost like my dad planned it, all of it, just to make us further understand his point about family. Not only did everyone come together to honor my father, but so many people held us up, supported us, and put us first. My family first. OUR family first. My mother, sister, brother and I were able to grieve, plan, cry, laugh, feel love, and at times do nothing, because everyone in my father's life understood family first. I am truly blessed to have the family, extended family, and friends I have. And to my aunts, thank you all so very much for the part you play in our family.
One thing my father said over and over again was family first. That's become our family's kind of motto since he passed. He reminded all of us how important that was, and that no matter what, it was always us-my family. He told me to be strong, and be there for everyone. (Tall order dad, but thanks for challenging me!!!) He begged me to fix my marriage, fix my relationship with my oldest boy. He said over and over again, he loved us, and we meant the world to him. And as if to pass the family first idea to the next generation, he begged us to never forget him, never let the kids forget him, and tell them everyday papa loves them.
His passing and the way it happened was amazing. Just proved that when it comes to my big, crazy family, we get it. Family first. My dad's sister Lisa had been living here for a few months now, helping us care for my dad. She made it her mission to be there for us. Whether it was to watch he kids for my sister and I, or take care of things at my parent's house, she was there. There were times she put aside opportunities to be with my dad, for us. She even stayed overnights with my dad in the hospital so we could rest. I mentioned in my dad's eulogy that she was sent here for such a time as this, and I meant it. She was such an important part of the whole ordeal. She had our back. Then there was my aunt Missy. She was there by my dad's side when we needed a break, or to eat, even grab a cup of coffee. She cried with us, hugged us, talked to us, and was there. Even after he died, she was there with us just for encouragement, memories, and support. My aunt Cathy was amazing too, truly a rock for all of us. She put aside her grief, her hurt, and held us up. She had a special relationship with my dad, so this was difficult for her. She stayed for a week after he died just to make sure my mom and us kids were ok. She helped us pick out flowers. We even had a very silly afternoon with her, my aunt Lisa, and my brother and I, picking out dress clothes, pictures for the funeral, and just laughing and being there with us. Even now, though hundreds of miles separate us, she still has our hearts. Through the miracle of the Internet and facebook, she keeps in regular contact with us, sending us love, thoughts, and bits of encouragement, all at the right time. I wonder of she'll ever know how much all of that meant. My in-laws handled so much planning for us for the reception after. We didn't have to worry for nothing- they took care of it. My mother in law, father in law, and sister in law and I spent a couple hours the morning of his funeral just talking. I so needed that. Even my grandma Barb gave me the chance to cry and grieve, making sure I felt her love and support through the whole thing, right down to helping us with the reception hall. Right down to family that has been separated by life, distance, and years. My dad's cousins all brought food too!!! It was amazing.
It's almost like my dad planned it, all of it, just to make us further understand his point about family. Not only did everyone come together to honor my father, but so many people held us up, supported us, and put us first. My family first. OUR family first. My mother, sister, brother and I were able to grieve, plan, cry, laugh, feel love, and at times do nothing, because everyone in my father's life understood family first. I am truly blessed to have the family, extended family, and friends I have. And to my aunts, thank you all so very much for the part you play in our family.
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